there nothing left for me

remember i say lose 1 friend = lose 1 trouble?!well...i have,you know that i hate argue with other people and don't like someone act kind to me...if you still mad about me then you should not act friendly to me,i don't like it...better think each other is stranger...i know i already less friend...so what??i don't care either,it just make me feel relax...



but if  lose 1 love = lose 1 feeling
there is nothing left for me

my last DMC4 gameplay video

to my youtube friends and some of my fans :D

it has been so long i play DMC(devil may cry)series since when i 10 years old,but i think i should stop playing or you can say i am quieting....the below video is my last gameplay of dmc4,i hope my youtube friends will enjoy it...this game give me so many memories but i sorry i think i can't play it anymore,why??cause i need prepare my PMR,although after PMR i still won't play it again....there something make me curios about it and feel unwell.

p.s:for dazzy,

i sorry mate,i think i must cancel your DMC4 project video...but i must thank you too,cause you the 1 share my video to other youtube friends and me make popular(bangga :P)...well not so popular though,but still thank you...you are the best mate that i 1st meet,you always kind to me..,i sorry i don't have dare to tell you directly but i hope you can use my some part of my gameplay to continue your video project...but i think my DMC life end here and then i will become"the legend of DMC pro player"haha :D

damn!!!youtube =___=

stupid youtube!!!!i don know what did you do to my video...it make more suck!!!the music is lagging and why my video have an error msg for other viewer?!shit!!!you have waste my 3 week times again!!!i hope you fixe this problem quickly!!!damn it!!!FUCK

there were many things that you don't know

why love always will get bad endings??what do you guys think about love??are you guys thinking love just a GAME??well ya~some sort of them,so skip about this question...what about you??do you think after we break,every thing will be fine??i think not...do you know i still thinking the reason you break with me??when you say you don't have confidence to continue our relationship,i was thinking that not your only reason...there must be other reason that i don't know...i was thinking izit my fault??izit i do some thing that make you feel hurt??izit there something you wan but i can't give you??i really very curios now...do you know how i sad am i when you not around??even though we less together...do you know how much i miss you??even though we same school and bus but....i don't have dare to see your face.....do you know i wan text you so badly??not because i bored is because i miss you...but i don't have dare to find you...i scare i just annoy you...do you know  i still loving you??well ya~of cause you know....but i just don know you still love me or not??but i think i still day dreaming...how come you will break with me when you still love me...when i online facebook,do you know who profile i gonna view 1st??ya...is you...even though i feel sad and jealous but i still like to view your profile...but do you know when i out with my parent,what place i will thinking 1st??i'm thinking when we 1st out together...every time i go the place that we together go before...i still remember what place we have go before,warisan,center point and the cinema....do you remember what movie we watch before??is"being human"....i still remember the situation when we sit together....do you know i still keeping the cinema ticket??why would i keeping the ticket??cause i wan remember that time we out together,this is the 1st time i out with you although is bored but i feel happy....but there were many things that you still don't know,as me there were many things that i still don't know about you




how many love can together again??
what do you think about love??
just a game for you??
do you know i still hoping we can together again??
probably you don't know

my last mission

my last mission finally complete...i finally give you the present,i feel kinda happy but and also i feel kinda unwell....cause i suddenly think about our relation again...when you accept the present i hope you din't open and see the letter,i know is not what kind of privacy but i still hope you din't see it....cause i don't wan you feel fan nao again....when you accept the present,i don't care how you do to that teddy bear,you wan cut off it head or throw it away or you can think the teddy bear is me and use knife cut and slash me.....i don't mind how you do to that teddy bear,i just happy i complete my final mission...and 1 more thing....i know i can't stay forever wit you but please let that teddy bear always be with you :)






i don't wan forget our relationship at this 5 month
but i will keep this memories forever 
i will alway keep my 1st love memories 
keep those happy memories ever and forever <3

i can't stand this family anymore

hey dad and mom,do you know that i already can't stand again you guys anymore??i wan ask you guys something....did you though me is your son or you guys just though me is a dog??mom,you keep call me do those house work when kakak off day...do you know that i can't do all those house work and i just need you help me a littler only...but do you know what you say to me??"son~!don so lazy la just a littler hose work only like that you can't do it??if like that then,i don wan a useless son that can't do anything"...do you know that you say this words make me so angry?!but i din't mind it...do you remember my scar behind my body??i know you still remember it...i still remember what reason you beat me so badly...just because my exam result below 65% or 60% only,then you so mad at me and beat me so hard...when someone saw my scar and ask me why...i just say i at school fight with friend...do you know why i lie them??cause i don wan them think my mom is a crazy ass hole dog....when every time i think this,it make me angry...make so wan kill you...and dad,i really thank you save my life when i still a baby and need operation...i know because of me so the operation cost you a lot money but why you do that for??you already have 3 daughter and plus my litter brother...your 3 daughter is great as you though,they cute,they nice and they very smart....unlike me...i am useless,stupid and just get you guys in trouble...when you always scold me say me useless and say many rude things to me...but i din't get angry or blame you either...cause i already admit myself...but if you din't cost your money to save my life....i sure you will happy to lose 1 son,cause the son will never let disappoint anymore....i sorry that i can't do the best son in your life...i would be happy if you let me die at this world....cause like that you wont feel disappoint anymore and i wont make my most lovely person suffer in pain too....i have always think myself don have zhi ke live at this family and also though not suit for this home but don worry,cause i sure i will leave this home someday and i know you guys wont mind me either....i think this is the great idea don't you think??

i hate forcing ppl

ycc...i know how you feel,you can reject me but never mind i wont blame you anything...today is your birthday,let just though brother give sister present....but i know you still feel unwell so can't accept your present,that why you force yourself to accept it and i really hate that did you know??i don scare that i get hurt or what,but can you don force yourself??i just scare you will blame yourself again only...that is your bad habits...but i don care anymore after you accept it or not,better let just be friend only....cause i already know you din think i am your brother anymore

forget her!!plzz

tomorrow is her birthday,i determine to ask can we back again??but i already think clearly...if you love her then better let her go and let her happy...yup!!i should not think about her anymore!!i determine to forget about her...cause i know even we back together we also cant last long our relationship....i agree what janice ng say,i really so selfish what i do before....sion forget about her,she not the person that you love anymore...ya~!but i need time,why time cant go faster or let me drink wang qin shui lol~!!hahax...cheer myself up :D

did we still have chance??

haizzzz....ngam ngam chat with my mei....i was trying to an wei her but i think she still unhappy...before she sleep i was trying to ask her can we back together again but....i think she wont accept me cause maybe she really don have any feel about me anymore...i was so scare to ask her but i think is not the right time to ask her or i should say i don have chance to chase her back again...i really so sad that her parent keep scold her...but i don think i can help her except just an wei her only...i really so wan to make her happy and try to hug her to let her feel better...but i was totally forgot that i don have chance to do that...i still loving her and still care about her maybe she don know but if that time she haven't sleep...if i can ask her.....






can we back together again??
can we start over again??
would she answer me "yes" or "no"
for me i think is "no"
should i forget her or not??
but i just know i still love her.....haizz :(

中秋节

中秋节,i don like this festival...why??cause is about my grand pa...he past away at 中秋节really unlucky festival...mooncake??taste suck...why god let him past away at 中秋节??god can you tell me??but you know what??i hate you...take away ppl life as you like...christmas day...my grandma past away too...why you so cruel??then why don let me die at PMR??god bless ppl huh??don make me laugh...you make me cant forget my sad memories 

feel alone

already start go school,i still feel the same...i thought i will feel normal if i with my friend but...i just feel nothing except acting happy...but i wont feel alone if i at school cause i have some of my friend play with me :) but....when i at home...every thing so silent except my brother at there noisy....but every thing is quite like no one at home....my phone no like before so noisy...everything have change...i feel so alone....i feel more bored then before...i feel myself not normal anymore...so alone so depress....i have lack my happiness and myself...i think i still cant put her down....but i should forget her i must forget it....i need someone wash my brain...but is impossible!!!how come to forget 5 month feeling?!tell me how?!i think i should 5 years time to forget it or maybe find a girl again huh??but i don have that feel wan find other girl....i really feel so alone now....i so so so miss her now...i really hope that she have more confidence...i really feel so unwell now and feel sad...god?!damn god!!you make me feel hopeless!!

holidays

tomorrow need start school already,at this 2 week holiday have many kind of things happen...i feel alone at this holiday...PMR is near by now,and i din study at home....i just wasting my time to thinking her...i am such a useless person...i have already waste 2 week time just thinking about her!!!now i just feel i don have any confidence to study or do any things....i feel nothing!!i feel empty!!at this few day i less back home cause my mood not very good...but i though my parent will worry about me but....i wrong...they din even know i was gone at this days...no body will care about me...i think my life just have a "lonely" this worlds....stupid me i though i will be happy....guess i wrong again.....

why??

ya....day by day time past time and i still feel depress...why??i don know...i cant concentrate to study....i feel so lonely and out of mood...i though i feeling fine but those happy feeling has gone and the other feeling it come back again....why like that??who know~i even not myself...what you can do now??study??no that mood....play some game??no that mood...watch tv??no that mood...out with friend??no that mood....smoke??i still promise her...why do that even though already over??promise always is a promise....then what you should do??i just feel like sitting in front computer only...online facebook chat with friend??no....just online and view her profile...why??cause cant put it down...then why still view her??i don know...view her profile wont make you sad??maybe...THEN WHY STILL VIEW HER PROFILE EVEN THOUGH IT MAKE YOU SAD?!!cause i xi guan already...then why don try to forget her??i cant....why cant?!cause i still loving her....why still love her??.............(cat answer it)loving her for what??make myself a littler happiness...are you really happy if like that??don ask....then how bout your PMR??i give up...why give up??no confidence...then what can make you feel happy again??nothing except act happy....act until forever??maybe....then i can say you are stupid to loving her....ya..i admit it....i am a stupid person...not just stupid and you are useless!!ya..i know....even my parent say that too :)

mei,plz don feel depress anymore

to mei:
sorry last night make you more depress and more moody,mei last night what i say is hope you don make yourself like that...i know you still cant forgive yourself that you hurt me...but should see open a littler,maybe break with me is good cause you wont have fan nau anymore and you feel freedom cause i can never told you what you cant do anymore...at this few days i know you feel bored and don have dare find me....i know you scare me i wont forget our memories....but i need some time to forget although i don wan....i feeling moody sad unhappy and depress all the time....but what i can do?just accept it and try to create new life...mei plz continue your happy life just like before....i don wan see you always depress...i think maybe because of me make you feel moody or depress,then i should stop find you at this few days....mei hope you can smile again....再苦都要记得微笑 :)

分手的那一天

如果我们真的分手，
你会怎样？
如果我们分手了，
我一定会感到很寂寞无助，
耍性子闹脾气的时候会感到闷得慌，
电话短信都不知道该发给谁。

如果我们分手了，
我一定会恨自己的自以为是，
原本总以为，
不管我们交错多少次，
总可以再找到时间地点，
重新牵起彼此的手，
可却只是自己的一厢情愿罢了。

如果我们分手了，
在一起那些痛苦的记忆会无限缩小甚至蒸发，
而幸福的回忆却只会日益膨胀，
到最后甚至忘记为什么分手，
仅仅只是想你，
想你，
想你。

如果我们分手了，
就算删掉你的手机号码，
我一定还是能倒背如流，
在夜深人静的时候红着眼眶，
慢慢按下那些键，
却始终找不到理由拨出去，
即使你淡出我的生命，
却仍然占据我的记忆。

如果我们分手了，
我会把你送给我的东西，
写给我的文字，
统统藏起来，
然后在夜深人静的时候不断拿出又放好，
想看又不敢再碰触。

如果我们分手了，
我一定还是不会删掉那些照片，
摘掉那根红绳，
因为曾经的每一次争吵都让它们来来去去，
可是这一次如果我删了，
我delete了，
它们就不再回来了。

如果我们分手了，
我不想再看见你，
因为我害怕那时的你在我的眼前，
我还是想牵牵你，
抱抱你，
亲亲你，
但是我已经没有资格了。

如果我们分手了，
我还是想你和你做朋友，
这样在我想你的时候，
我可以想着还能找你，
虽然我也许并不会这么做。

如果我们分手了，
我一定会害怕出门，
因为无论到哪里，
都有我们的回忆，
背着我牵着我到处乱逛的你，
看着我流泪会陪我一起伤心的你，
陪着我发疯陪着我快乐的你，
几乎把所有的零花钱都花在我身上的你，
因为给我准备了惊喜而自己开心半天的你，
在凛冽的寒风又或者飘泊的雨中还是会等我的你，
因为我乱玩，乱吃东西，胡作非为而大发雷霆的你，
每一次都被我搞的崩溃却依旧每一次都原谅我包容我来找我的你。

遍地留下了自己的痕迹，
最后却跑掉的你。
如果，

如果，
如果我们真的分手，
我一定不想的。

请记得，
如果我们分手了，
我还是等你的电话，
回你的短信，
在你需要我或是想见我的时候出现，
你是我的独家记忆，



一直在心底。

"kiss the rain(伤害）"this video really write out all my feeling and all 100% is correct....why love cant become wonderful or i make some mistake??haiz~it is god punish me because i do something wrong??if i did...then what i do wrong??wrong to not  treat good of her??god plz....i really suffer enough already...god i beg you plz....fang gou wo ba...i don wan suffer like this anymore :'(

confidence

haiz~at this few days really so bored i hope i can find her but i think she don wan to see my face or text me anymore.....it still hard to forget her but no matter what i wont ruin my life just because that....still got 1 week need PMR...at this week i need study hard although i don have any mood....but if i have confidence,i wont scare anything....i need give myself confidence to past my PMR!!! XD
















to mei:
i hope you feeling fine now and i hope you don easy to give up yourself...you still have many ways need to go as long you have confidence nothing can stop you....god bless you =]

i not feel alone anymore and i feel happy already X)

tonight happen a bad things...is because me that make her no confidence and depress but....i don know why i suddenly wont feel alone anymore...i feel that even i don have her but i still very happy...what happen so suddenly??and i feel that i wont sad or depress....i feel that something make me change but is a good things cause i wont think about her anymore...cause i have many people love me :D

xi guan

after we break and i accept it...but i feel really kinda bu shi de ni.i don just cant accept it out relation so easy to stop at here...at this 5 month feeling did you really din feel it??last time i though if i fu chu ni hui ai wo gen shen  but i wrong now i know wo fu chu de gen duo,wo ai ni jiu gen shen...maybe the reason you feel nothing...it is because you din fu chu that why you treat me no confidence....but i don know it real or not....but i just know i already xi guan have you love me care me...you wan me find other girl??i don think i have that feeling to find....i already xi guan together with you....i already xi guan those day we together even we just text each other but i really hope that you will give us one more chance and i hope you will really truely love me....god please give her a littler confidence and nai xin...hope we can back together again :'(

break

ycc...i think i know what you 决定  already,you 决定  wan break with me right??i know you scare you will hurt me again,but if you have a littler nai xin then you would not scare to hurt me again.i think you still feel yourself don have confidence that to love me,i hope that give yourself a littler confidence but it useless for me to say like that...is you need to give yourself confidence and nai xin no one can control you....but i don force yourself to do that either,maybe break is good for me too although i still love you but i don wan you suffer like that anymore...i wont care that we will break or not but what i care is your happiness...if you happy then i will happy too as long you wont suffer in pain...i hope our relation can forever but is impossible....at this 5 month i really happy together with you but now our relation already stop at here and will become history....hey~i after we break...i hope you will think me is your k gor again just like before and hope i still got chance to sms you...

my last words

thank you at this 5 month love me and take care of me,i really happy and i wanna say my last last words " I LOVE YOU HONEY " :'(

don think anymore i will accept it no matter what reason

plz make yourself calm,you don need to think anymore.i don know what you think now but if you are trying to find a reason to break with me....then just say it out,i will accept it no matter what.i don wan you feel pain anymore,i already know that you don have that feel to love me anymore so no need to scare that i will get hurt...you think much it will just make you head more pain and i don wan you suffer like that..plz don think anymore,plz don hurt yourself again,i will accept it. =(

最后一次...

honey....erm.....i don know how long i can call you honey anymore but i wan to say is.....is really sad that i suddenly view your blog and i saw something that i should not saw it but.....i already know that how you feel to me....i trust you this few day that you love me and i know the reason why you will dui wo mei xing xin....actually i know this will happen cause i think you are the girl must someone beside you,need someone accompany you and you must saw his face every single days,i very sorry that i din accompany you every single time.when i say that i am a best bf for you actually i din think that i am the best,i just though myself is useless.the reason i do many thing for you is i just wan you feel gan dong and make you love me more but what i do is just make you feel nothing.and 1 thing....do you know why i always ask you out?the answer  is very easy...i just don wan you forget my feeling every single moment...haiz~i don know when i can see "babee sion" this words again maybe this is the last time that u call me babee sion and also the last time i call you honey...i will remember those memories that we text to each other,is really fun although it cant last long...stupiak honey stupiak babee~haha...but i think this my last memories :'(